Perspectives

It’s never easy for me to know how to start things like these. It’s hard because you don’t know how to get the reader to feel comfortable and at home in the words from the outset. The irony is though, that while this is a beginning for my blog it’s also representative of another beginning and ending in my life.
I figure if I were to take the time to pick a theme for this post it would be saying goodbye. I’ve had to do this often over the last few weeks; more so than ever, I would say. Saying goodbye is a cold ache; a pain that you can’t quite feel yet but you know that you will; you almost feel pity for the future you that will have to deal with what has just occurred. Saying goodbye forces you to really evaluate what that particular person or relationship meant to you. You realize feelings in those moments that you never knew you had. Just today I had to say goodbye to some friends after we’d finished our spontaneously scheduled thrashing at the Circuit rock gym. On this occasion I had driven myself there which is uncharacteristic of me. And as we left I pulled up behind them in the parking lot as they prepared to enter the busy streets of South Portland. As we turned onto the highway they started to pull away and I sort of thought to myself, “Well, that’s it; there they go...” But as I caught a glance of them again something inside of me was pulled toward them; I felt as though I wanted to speed up to them; drive up right behind them and see there faces one more time. But then I realized our paths had already diverged; I had my own path now.

It’s hard growing up, maturing; so much more is expected; so much more you have to take charge of. Everything seems as though it takes up more of your energy; your time. you have to wonder, “where is this path taking me?” and all the other questions that just won’t stop coming, and you wonder whether life is lived in between those questions and not at the end of the very last one. Is it possible that someday I will wake wondering where I’m going and realize I’ve already been there? That it already happened, and if I had just payed attention in those times of questioning I would have realized that there was where my life was.

I will have to say goodbye again, and many more times. And I will ask myself again, “where are you going?” and I will remember that where I am defines that next place; that, that moment where I have to say goodbye, maybe even for the last time, that is what holds real importance. The feelings felt there in their arms or in the strength of their grip; the perspectives gained there in time with the mutual thoughts of sadness and excitement.That is where life is, and it will remain in those moments where ever you go.